Do you have a big girl, a plus size woman on your shopping list? Do you love her dearly? Do you want to make her feel like a treasure with your gift? Do you want to avoid “the size trap”? Are you confused, year after year, as to what to buy for her? .

I’ll bet she gives you mixed messages, “I need clothes!” “Don’t buy me any clothing!” This is because she is genuinely conflicted herself. She needs clothing but she knows you can’t pick flattering things for her. Heck, she is not even sure whether she can pick complementary things for herself, It’s hard for big girls to pick sweaters, jeans, jackets, shoes and coats that will flatter and be part of a bigger wardrobe plan. So don’t go there.

As a “big sister,” I understand that shopping for the plus size women is a very personal thing. It requires require a tonic of time, attitude, knowledge and money – charged with the purpose of looking and feeling better than ever. And you know what - she needs to educate herself and do it for herself – no one else, no matter how well-meaning, can do it for her.

That said, these gift ideas reflect the “well-cared for” woman and are not sold according dress size:

1. Jewelry (Hint: Make sure the size and impact of the piece, real or faux, is commensurate with her grand stature.)

2. Luggage (Hint: Rolling bags are heaven-sent to women who may have arthritis or back trouble.)

3. Small leather goods (Hint: wallet, eye glass case, key fob, etc., should share a unifying influence like hardware or color.)

4. Handbag (Hint: Observe the handles on her favorite bag. The handle/strap of a handbag should be your first criterion.)

5. Tote

6. Umbrella

7. Scarves (Hint: Oblong, flat scarves that bring color to the face are best.)

8. Gloves (Hint: Gloves, especially leather gloves, need to be the correct size.)

9. Robe with zipper (not a tie belt) and matching slippers

10. Bathroom Accessories (Hint: Think of all of the accoutrements that make a bathroom seem elegant and personal.)

11. Monogrammed towels (Hint: Imitate the two dominant colors in her bathroom, one for the towel and the other for the color of the monogram.)

12. Gift certificates - Favorite stores

13. Gift Certificates – Day Spa Manicure/pedicure/facial/massage/waxing

14. Gift Certificate - Tanning

15. Gift Certificate - Make-up session

16. Gift Certificate - Hair salon

17. Fragrance

18. Lotions, Creams

19. Candles

20. Pick-up something on hold/layaway

21. Alteration money

22. Silver Framed picture of you and your lovely lady looking and feeling great

23. Leather bound journal, leather bound address/phone book

24. Stationary

25. Closet redecoration (Hint: Observe the types of articles in her closet, how could they be better organized and displayed? (Think: hangers, baskets, organizers, label maker, jewelry bag, scarf hanger, scented shelf paper/dresser drawer liner)

26. Hobby goodies

27. i-Pod and i-Tunes gift card

28. A coupon for Free Time – to shop for herself!

Here are some packaging and wrapping tips.

• Pair Gift Certificates with a coupon for baby sitter time or cash for the baby-sitter, if needed. – wrap in a box.

• Put some spending money inside the wallet or pocketbook.

• Decadence Basket:(combine candles, lotions, fragrance into one gift)

• Elegant Desk Basket (frame, leather bound books and pretty desk tools)

• Monogrammed Bathroom items (robe, towels)

• Wrap “alteration money” in a big silk (real or faux), oblong scarf

• Partner with another family member and coordinate small leather goods, umbrella, handbag or tote. Agree to a unifying influence among the goods, such as brass hardware, silver tone hardware, or coloration, so your lady has a coordinated set or accessories and feels like a lady.

Eureka! Forget household items as gifts, choose gifts that are personal but transcend size and your gift will make her feel elegant and cherished. Perhaps the biggest gift of all, is avoiding the awkwardness of selecting clothing and sizes, for both you and your best girl.